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De-escalation strategies
http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/alphabehavior.htm
Really eye opening read for me. Made me aware of some of my beta tendencies, and made me reconsider the application of "threat displays." Having the narcissistic motivations behind some of my interests highlighted was an especially sobering impact. Understanding violence provoking behaviors on an academic level enables you to better plan more effective strategies for accomplishing your actual goals. Great web site. Everything on |
Re: De-escalation strategies
This is a great website.
Everyone should read this. Lots of valuable info. |
Re: De-escalation strategies
MacYoung also has some very good (reality based) books available. I like his "Violence, Blunders & Fractured Jaws" and "Cheap Shots, Ambushes, & Other Lessons." He's also got some excellent mugging avoidance and knife videos. Very blunt & highly recommended.
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Re: De-escalation strategies
Betas Fight More
Many years ago Marc, his girlfriend and their cats shared a house with a woman; who also had her own cats. What was interesting was that both groups had an alpha cat. Their first meeting was 'unpleasant.' But after that both of these large male cats proceeded to share the same space by studiously ignoring each other. One would think that they were invisible to each other, except there was a very subtle pattern of never being in the same place at the same time. Or conveniently being 'asleep' (or otherwise occupied) as the other passed through an area occupied by the first. (Incidentally the other passed at a distance, great enough that the first could pretend not to notice). However, the constant fighting occurred between the two beta males. Those two cats were not only constantly at each other, but actively sought each other out -- to continue the squabble. Both wanted to drive the other out of the territory, but were incapable of doing it, so the war went on and on. In fact, one could say those two cats were obsessed with each other. It is interesting to note that you can see the same behaviors among humans. Contrary to what you might think, human heavy hitters do everything in their power to find ways to co-exist. Generally by 1) Ignoring each other (while at the same time doing the human version of what the cats did) 2) Becoming friends 3) If not friends, then friendly/polite towards each other in a kind of middle ground between these two points. It is the betas who get their fur all fluffed and walk stiff legged with their backs up. This basically occurs because betas do not understand the concept of sharing space ... yes, we just said they don't know how to play well with others. What they especially don't understand is that it isn't all about them. And that is why they end fighting more ... with other betas. They aren't proving that they are alphas when they do this, they're just jockeying for position in the pecking order. |
Re: De-escalation strategies
That was an interesting site, there were some good points made.
I grew up in a bad neighborhood and I've been in many fights in my life when I was younger, now almost nobody bothers me even though I live in a ghetto and I'm really white. I would say this is most likely due to things I've learned. This is my take: If you look like you belong somewhere people will leave you alone. It's that simple. Now they may test you but that is easy. The simplest thing is for instance when you walk past a group of guys on the street corner and one of them makes a joke about you they are testing you. If this happens I will walk over very slowly with a little smirk and say "hi guys, how's it going" if they get threatening I don't react I'll simply start asking them questions like "I'm so and so, what's your name", "do you live in this area?" "where do you live? in that building", "what address?". Remember if they ask you anything don't answer straght. The guy who asks the questions is in charge so if they ask you a question like "hey man, got a quarter" or "where do you live" you can respond with cryptic or funny but harmless nonsense that doesn't address their question. If they laugh it's good, it means they are giving you status. After a while you either say nice meeting you guys or you attack first with extreme violence out of nowhere. Best rule of thumb though is if there is no confrontation don't make one, if there is a verbal confrontation don't escalate it. The problem is if you are disrespected you HAVE to address it otherwise they will escalate it to physical level. You just don't have to address it by escalating, you show them you are not worried about them. Generally when I'm walking around the hood I don't look at anybody but I keep my head up. I look at people like they were a lamp post or any other inanimate object. I don't look anyone in the eye unless not doing so could be construed as fear. Anyway people seldom bother me because I'm not afraid and they can tell. Once you're not afraid all this other stuff follows naturally. I'm not afraid because I know I can handle them one way or another. Remember all you really have to do to be alpha in any situation is to stay calmer and less reactive than everyone else. Even if they get all up in your face you just smile like you hold all the cards. |
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